Are You Stalled or Strengthened?

“[The Paschal season] begins with suffering and death, moves on to the reception of the new life, spends some time grieving the old and adjusting to the new, and finally, only after the old life has been truly let go of, is the new spirit given for the life we are already living.” Ronald Rohlheiser

“God is so wide that, within His spaciousness, even the longing for unfulfillable longing can soar freely.” Hans Urs von Balthasar

"To create newness you have to cover the soul and let grace rise. You must come to the place where there’s nothing to do but brood, as God brooded over the deep, and pray and be still and trust that the holiness that ferments the galaxies is working in you too. Only wait. And somehow the transformation you knew would never come, that impossible plumping of fresh life and revelation does come. It manifests itself in unseen slowness. So it would happen to me and to all who set out to kneed their pain and wounds, their hopes and hungers, into bread. Waiting is the yeasting of the human soul." Sue Monk Kidd


The chrysalis and butterfly have long been associated with transformation. Right before our eyes we appreciate what home improver’s call “the reveal”—the “after” glory of a decomposed “before”. The butterfly emerges from her literal annihilation to a spectacular marvel of grace and wonder.

There has been much helpful talk about the conversion roles of death, deconstruction and desert experiences. We’re learning to be more hospitable to our “Holy Saturdays”, where we are helpless and lonely and awaiting resurrection.

(I recently learned that UCLA scientists have used high-tech microscopes to read the vibrations inside the chrysalis. The scientists can transform the vibrations into audio. One can then hear an unbearable and distressing cry from within. The thought caught my breath as I resonated deeply with the caterpillar's undoing. Transformation is not for the faint or fragile.)

There is another meaningful place in the timeline of the butterfly’s transformation. We don’t pay much attention to it, yet I think it locates a profound point in our own plotlines: the period right after the butterfly’s emergence, but before her launch. She is a new creation, but not yet ready for her first flight. Like Jesus’ admonishment to Mary Magdalene, she refuses to cling to an old life. But the time is not right for her to fly.

You see, this is a period when the butterfly’s crumpled wings must be pumped with blood to swell. And then they need more time to harden. She does not simply resurrect, emerge, and launch. She must wait again. Again.

I liken this time to the space between Jesus’ Ascension and the Day of Pentecost. Jesus has died and been resurrected. He has spent 40 days instructing the disciples in this new life, walking through walls, cooking fish, breaking bread. The disciples seem prepared for this new life. But then Jesus leaves again, ascends and tells them to hold on and stay where they are.

The disciples have lived resurrection; they are out of the cocoon. But they have no power for their new life. Their wings have not yet been pumped open and stabilized for their flight. They must wait again. Again.

Sometimes, we know we’ve emerged—the sunlight hurts our eyes! Resurrection is real and we are different, even more gloriously beautiful. Jesus has taught us a new way to live. However, there is yet another delay. The temptation to either turn back and cling to an old life or launch prematurely is overwhelming.

If you’re in this strengthening spot, take courage, friend. Your resurrection is real. Everyone can see your glory! Hold on and stay where you are. Your Pentecost power is coming. Do not short circuit God’s “delays” but strengthen yourself with His love.

JUDY