Will You Wait to Be Filled?

The [one] who is wise, therefore, will see his life as more like a reservoir than a canal. The canal simultaneously pours out what it receives; the reservoir retains the water till it is filled, then discharges the overflow without loss to itself ... Today there are many in the Church who act like canals, the reservoirs are far too rare ... You too must learn to await this fullness before pouring out your gifts, do not try to be more generous than God.” Bernard of Clairvaux 1090-1153
 
St. Bernard could have been writing for us THIS present day, not a thousand years ago. We have many canals, but few reservoirs. Instinctively we know the difference. Canal people are offering something they haven’t fully embraced for themselves. They may give intellectual assent to and even desire the very thing they are passing on. Canal people are human do-ers, not human beings. Their effort may or may not be obvious; same with their striving, grasping and ultimate commitment to passing on that which they don’t fully own. They are not experiencing the very things they are giving away. 
 
How do I know so much about canal people? I have been one! I am one one! 
 
Christian service can create canal people. We feel as if we must always be offering—a fresh take on Scripture, the tidbit from the latest helpful podcast, something (anything!) that shows we are serving Jesus. “We’re influencing,” we say. “See that, God? We’re making a difference for You! We’re world changers!”
 
This stage of “success” in ministry life is necessary, even profitable for the church. But canal people can’t keep at it forever. It’s too exhausting, this struggle to perform and produce. Ultimately, it feels disingenuous, and we’re uncomfortable with our lack of spiritual integrity. We may say, “I’m offering to others something I am not experiencing myself.”
 
While this place may be terrifying and unpredictable, it’s also an invitation from a kind Father:

An invitation to wholeness. A person who accepts their weakness and faults and allows God’s love to overshadow them. An invitation to freedom and humility. A person who embraces mystery and experiences the generosity of others. An invitation to love and be loved. A person who knows their belovedness and offers God’s love without even trying.

In essence, a reservoir, who “discharges the overflow without loss to itself.”
 
What fills you up? Will you wait to be filled?
 
JUDY